A Ninja In England
by alucardy-party-girl666
Summary: Possibly the weirdest crossover in history. Yuffie Kisaragi ends up in England where she meets Alucard,and so begins the saga. Other love intrests to be added later!
1. Chapter 1

A/N _Haaaaaaay!!!_ I apologize for teh mega shortness of the prolugue, but I wrote this really late at night. The future chaps. will probly be longer or maybe I'll just add a bunch of short ones, like 30-50 of 'em. Yeah. The plot bunnies visited me and there will be ALOT of DRAMA!!! oh I almost forgot...

DISCLAIMER: I NOT OWN FINAL FANTASY OR HELLSING!!! if i did, Rufus ShinRa and Alucard would be my slaves. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! ahem... scuze me... other business to attend to...

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A lazy ass vampire.

The No Life King sat on his throne and thought for the bazillionth time, 'I'M ACTUALLY FREEEEEEEEEEE!' He had gotten over the loss of Seras, Integra and everyone else he knew a lllooooong time ago. 5 years ago in fact. He had shed a single blood tear for his master and draculina then he had just cleared the bodies. After the exhausting work, our favorite vampire sat on his throne along with a 10 yr. supply of blood in reach, took off his hat and relaxed. And that's what Alucard did until the present time.

"I really need to do something with myself." He stated.

That's when Alucard stood up, got his hat and sauntered out into the moonlight. "Tonight is a beautiful night..." He murmured. A huge grin was plastered on his face as he realized the freedom in... being free!

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Meee again!!! how did you like it!? i appreciate reviews, and flames will be publicly exploited and laughed at... and used to make brick oven pizza!!! :3 but dont review if you dont want to... leave me alooooone and reviewless. ill just curl up in an emo ball in the corner. no biggie.*shrugs*


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Hallo. ^^ i am proud to present *drumroll please* CHAPTER TWO!!! XD

Me:Thank you, thank you.*holds up imaginary award*I'd like to thank my friends, my family, the plot bunnies, Rufus ShinRa(for all your uuber hawtness c;),Org. XIII(for your support and Mansex's cookies ) and lawts of other people like-

Alucard: Get on with the story or-

Me: OR WHAT!!? I have complete control of your life, vampire. I suggest shutting the hell up.

Alucard: ...damn.

Me: For now you'll just give the disclaimer.

Alucard: ...fine. She doesn't own anything except the plot...

Me: Good boy. You're lucky I'm not in a sadistic mood... *grumbles*

ON WITH THE SHOOOOWWWW!!!

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YUFFIE'S POV It was a stormy night and a certain ninja was materia hunting. "OhMyGodAMasteredSummonMateria!" she squealed. There it was, sitting right there practically screaming "SOMBODY PICK ME THE HELL UP!"

Yuffie grinned. This 'England' place had some uber-awesome materia. The ninja excitedly stuffed the shiny orb in her leopard print purse. Her new outfit was a little more 'blendy in-y-ish-er'. Black tank, purple shorts, a charcoal headband and thigh high silver stiletto boots to top it off. Her previously not-curvy hips and chest had filled in a little,too.

The giant shuriken strapped to her back didnt help the blending in too much, but society would have to deal with a little weirdness for once. Yuffie started muttering to herself about how predjudiced civilizations would never fit in with the OTHER culturally accepting peoples of the future .Just then, Yuffie noticed a tall, shadowy man walking down the rainy street wearing a red trench coat and fedora thing. Where in the world was the scary, tranny version of Carmen Sandiego? Right here. Whoop-de-freaking-doo.

Yuffie unstrapped her weapon and held it in front of her, battle style. She was ready to whoop some psycho-wannabe-Carmen-Sandiego-cross-hooker-  
tranny-person ass. Ninja style. (S)he got closer and closer, and Yuffie stood her ground. When (s)he finally got reasonably close, Yuffie noticed that the person reminded her of Vinnie. With the red eyes. This guy was really tall though, like, bigger than Rude. Holy crap, this dude was the shizit. The ninja gulped.

"Hello, little one,"The stranger purred and flashed a smile.

Yuffie saw the pointy teeth in that feral grin. "WTF!? YOU'RE A FLIPPIN' VAMPIRE!!! AHHHHHHHH!"Yuffie screamed.  
With that, the ninja fell into a dead faint, still clutching her shuriken.

ALUCARD'S POV The human smelled so appetizing. Especially the adrenaline coursing through her vains as she got ready to fight him. A fight?! Bah, more like a toothpick against a tsunami! Alucard walked towards her and stopped. He greeted her, smiled, she shouted some obscenities* and fainted. The vampire's smile only widened as she started falling towards the ground.  
The vampire took the weapon and the girl, hoisted them over his shoulder and headed home. "Tonight is a beautiful night...A truly beautiful night."

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*=i love that word. ooobbbsccenitiesssss. Got it memorized? Hehe... fangirl moment... sorry.

please review. *gives puppy dog eyes and pouty lips*

Yaaaay. Crackier part comes soon... bai! :3


	3. Chapter 3

A/N HAY PARTAY PEOPLE! What tis uppeth? Wooooow that was corny...

Rufus: *marches in* I have a complaint.

Me: Yes darling?

Rufus: *shuffles away* N-nevermiiind... I'll ask in the next chapter...

Me: Alright cuppycake! :3

Annyyyyyywhooooo... I love scaring Ruffiekins. And Alu-chan too...

Axel: *walks in* Yo, sup?

Me: YOU CAN DO TONIGHTS DISCLAIMER!!!(Audience: OOooooo! Aaaaahhh!)

Axel:Since when did we get an _audience!?_ o.O Okkkaaaayyyyy... She doesn't own anything except the plot...*walks away a bit freaked out*

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Yuffie woke up to total darkness. In a panic, she tried to sit up but hit her head on a hard surface.

"DAMNIT THAT HURT!" She cried, rubbing her head.

A voice laughed outside of her... box... thing.

"Sitting up in a coffin isn't the smartest idea, girl." It said calmly, if not a little amused.

_'What the hell...? A coffin? Whatever...' _Yuffie thought absentmindedly. Good thing she wasn't claustrophobic. In fact, she sorta liked small spaces... so cozy... Mmmm, hot cocoa in a little cottage, the Wutai countryside...'_AH! Stay focused Yuffie...' _The girl commanded herself.

She had heard that voice before... but where... Suddenly, the lid to the coffin opened, and a pale face came into view.

"HEY! You're that vampire guy!" Yuffie shouted, outraged. "I'll sic Cloud on you ya freak!!!"

The bloodsucker's grin widened. She had spunk... He liked that...

Yuffie studied the man's face. His red eyes and smirking mouth were accompanied by an angular, handsome nose. To top it off was a mop of messy black hair. He was kinda hot in a weird way... Wait, HOT?! What was she thinking??? He friggin _kidnapped_ her. Yuffie started to feel uncomfortable under the intense gaze of her captor. She blushed. Her face got even redder as she realized that she was naked under the black satin sheets.

"...I'M NEKKID! YOU'RE SUCH A PERV!!! YOU'RE PROBLY PLANNING TO RAPE ME AND MURDER ME AND-" Yuffies rant was cut short by a chuckle. She furrowed her eyebrows and frowned at the maniac before her. What the hell was his problem? The vampire laughed again, this time at her ridiculous expression, and said, "You're clothes were soaked. I couldn't let you freeze now could I? And, I must ask you something. Are you a virgin, my dear?"

Yuffie's eyes widened at the question.

"W-w-I th-bu---," She was rather rude. The man simply radiated smugness at this point._'Damn him and his superiority complex,' _Yuffie thought miserably. Grrr...

"Well, who are you to be inquiring about my sex life?" Yuffie asked tauntingly after she had collected herself.

"BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! _Who _am _I!?_ I am the great Vlad Tepes III!!! Dracula, if you will. But you have the honor of calling me... Alucard."

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A/N Well, thats chapter 3. PLEASE REVIEW! Reviews are like drugs for me. And I get pissed when I'm not stoned(on reviews or sugar, and there is NO sugar in my house right now. Not even fruit. T-T)... I know there are people who have subscribed to this and stuff, who _don't _review, so review! (for my sanity and drug levels if nothing else!)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N This chapter's really just transition, soooo yeah. I'm working on like, 3 other fics right now, and a book, so please be patient! Enjoy, or I'll kill you! XD

Disclaimer: Lawyers, I don't own anything except the plot. You just got served.:D

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"..... You're kidding, right?"

"No."

"Oh."

"..."

"Well, _I_ am the champion of the Earth and the sky, _I_ am the conqueror of evil, the single White Rose of Wutai, ninja extraordinaire, YUFFIE KISARAGI!!!" The ninja puffed out her chest and beamed proudly. Alucard rolled his eyes and clapped unenthusiastically.

"Thank you, thank you!!! I'm here every Thursday, try the coffee!" Yuffie called, waving to a fake audience while clutching the sheet to her chest.

"Wonderful performance. Bravo. Encore."Alucard said dryly. "But I need to know whether I'm wasting my time or not. Are. You. A. VIRGIN?"

"Fine, jeez ya don't need to be so pushy. I'm easily offended." With that Yuffie wiped away a fake tear, sniffling over dramatically. "Alas, if you must know, I am as pure as my title states. DO YOUR WORST VILLAIN!" The ninja cried, mock crying from staged terror. "I'm a great actress, hu---"

Yuffie was cut off by Alucard leaning in and sinking his teeth into the milky flesh of her neck.

"ARRRRRGH!!!!! WTF!? GET OFF ME YOU PSYCHO! SOMEONE _SAVE ME!!!!!_" The ninja yelled and thrashed as Alucard drank her blood. Eventually, the ninja got tired and passed out. Alucard released her, figuring she'd had enough. He dabbed the excess blood off of his mouth with a handkerchief, and straightened his tie. _Mmmm, A+ I believe..._

**MINI CHAPTER: The Dream**

Yuffie woke up in a room with tye-dyed padded walls. She noticed a hippie-ish man in the middle of the strange room. He was in a meditative pose and was levitating a foot off the ground. She was about to inquire as to her whereabouts, but before she could speak, the man opened his eyes, which were two brightly glowing materia.

"Heeeeeey. You're, like, a vammmmpiiire, so yeeeeeeeeah." He stated lazily before going back to meditating.

"...Errrm" Yuffie turned around, a bit freaked, and saw her reflection in the mirror, complete with red-gold eyes. Before she could scream, her reflection morphed into a giant hamburger.

"USE THE FORCE!" The hamburger ordered in a guttural voice. Yuffie screeched, and then the floor gave out. She fell, air wooshing past her, and landed on a dingy matress. She looked around, and in front of her was the Burger King Guy.

" Make out with the king, BITCH!" He demanded.

Yuffie scrambled up and ran as fast as her legs could take her. Suddenly, the girl hit something warm and solid. She looked up and saw her best friend, Axel, with his finger to his temple, other hand on his hip asking her if she had it memorized. Yuffie laughed. '_What a weird ass dream.'_ she thought. Then, everything faded to a dreamless sleep.

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A/N That dream _was_ weird. IDK where that came from... Axel will be included in later chapters as well as Rufus ShinRa and a bunch of other hawt dudes.  
^-^ REVIEW OR THE BK MAN WILL COME FOR YOU!!! Bai!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Hay there! I'm updating pretty quick, (for _my_ standards anywayz...)so I'm all proud of myself... Who's the lucky diclaimer-giver-person for today, boys?

*Alucard, Rufus, and Axel shuffle feet*

Me: C'mon, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE???

Axel: I'll do it...

Me: YAY!!!

Axel: *sigh* She doesn't own FF, or Hellsing, _or_ KH, or Burger King...

Rufus: Burger...King...?

Me: YOU DIDN'T READ THE LAST CHAPTER!? I am _not_ amused.

Rufus: ...

I PRESENT... CHAPTER 5!!!

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Alucard's POV

The vampire watched as the newly changed Draculina struggled in her sleep.

Abruptly, she cried out, " NO! I WILL _NOT_ GET RAPED BY THE BURGER KING GUY!!!!!!" The ninja lashed out at an invisible assailant, and suddenly fell limp. The teen's lithe form tossed and turned and at one point muttered, "If I'm gettin' raped by _anybody_ it's vampy-man.

Alucard did a double take. Did she mean _him?_ He imagined the petite ninja crying out, writhing in pain beneath him... No. NO. Baaaaad idea. What was she _doing_ to him!? He sighed, and looked at her sleeping face. So innocent, so untouched by the horrors of life. So _young._ This girl was cute, beautiful even. She stirred again in her fitful sleep, kicking away the black sheets to reveal her bare legs.

This time, her eyelids fluttered open to reveal blood red irises.

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How'd ya like? Revieeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww. PLEASE? Pwetty Pweese wif sugaw awn tawp? lol SEE YA NEXT TIME FOLKZ!


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